I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
