He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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