david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
