Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
