So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
