weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
there is glitter all over my balls
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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