ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
