I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
