As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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