dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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