woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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