forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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