We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
