Define "chronic" masturbator.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
