Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
His nipple licking is glorious
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