We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
