Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
