your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
