Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
