Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
