just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
