i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
