Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
