Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
