i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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