Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
