he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
