I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
