im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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