there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
never play flip cup with pint glasses
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
