Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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