I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
