Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
