K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
