he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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