When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
