you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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