I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
