You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
