he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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