I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
