Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Randomize
