Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
