I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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