She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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