And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
