I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
