and she was petting her beer can
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The Olympian is in my bed
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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