I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
