Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
