what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
