Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
