I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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