My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
oh god the rape fog is back!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
