Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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